Dear Diary,

It has been a long time since I have shared my thoughts with you. Did you miss me? Of course, you did. Such is my aura.

But today it is not about any rant or complaint. Today I need to prepare a list of my daily functions. Drowning amidst a myriad of chores, I decided to jot them down lest I skip any.

I have seen the woman in the house writes down on her mobile every time she needs to remember something. Since the jealous woman won’t share her mobile with me, I fall back to you, my old, faithful diary.

By the way, do you know the woman nowadays teach me to call her momma? I usually don’t. But, just to see her silly excitement I give in once or twice. You should see her glee!
Anyways, back to business. At the risk of making the list too long let me write down the ten commandments, I need to follow regularly.

1. Each day ensure to put at least ten items in the mouth, that is not offered at the food table. More the merrier. And the ones on the floor should get more preference.

2. Tear at least one book or document each day. Should try to chew and swallow the evidence until caught with them in the mouth.

3. Try to sneak one item out of the window. Target the bottles, remote, toys, mobiles.

4. Never waste time on laps. Crawl, crawl and crawl away.

5. Supervise the activities in the kitchen. Especially if the refrigerator is being opened.

6. Try to take direct charge of sweeping and mopping. If the management is not cooperating turn hostile and try to spill the water from the bucket.

7. Follow any and everyone moving with some hot utensils, sharp-edged objects or in general being busy. Perform at least one of the following – move under the table, climbing the grills or try to jostle the sharpest nooks and corners.

8. Pull out all the items which are within reach and scatter them on the floor. If coveted items are put out of reach immediately throw tantrum.

9. In case the man or the woman is trying to do something on the laptop insist on taking the mouse or sit on the keyboard. Never give up until they put it away.

10. Slip inside the bathroom on the first chance you find the door open.

For the time being, I believe this list will suffice. Got to go. Too many jobs are pending. The woman might return from the office anytime and disrupt my perfectly planned evening.

            —x—

 

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